Khristmas!

French Bastards!

Binky Run 2026

Funniest thing I read all day...

"Fisted a bag lady once on a dare...
Found out later she was dead."

Former host of "The Man Show"

Festivus for the rest of us

Once again, and for the last time, I will be hosting another Khristmas Party. (I don’t even no why I try to notify people anymore) On what day do you ask? -Christmas Day SUNDAY 25th

There is no RSVP. Just be there. Drinking starts at 8AM, gifts open…. 9pm ish.

Get there when ya get there. Or don’t, but the more the merrier.




DA RULES.

RULE #1 IS THE MOST IMPORTANT

1. Human fesses and/or bodily waste from a living animal or a gift that is soiled with human fesses and/or bodily waste from a living animal IS NOT AN EXCEPTABLE GIFT. There is a line here, do not cross it. Everything else is fair game. Examples of gifts are as follows:

Acceptable:
Nanny’s wig, A pair of panties that were found in a parking lot (only if it is unclear whetherthe gift is unsoiled), A nasty filthy meat slicer (may still be in circulation?), Fireworks (always a favorite), Tampons (unused), Teeth (no blood), ect…

Unacceptable:
A used diaper, A pair of panties that were found in a parking lot, because you took them off and put them there, Never mind, just don’t do it! Tim and I made these rules to protect you and me. Trust me you do not want to see the ugly side of Khristmas if this line is crossed… I have seen the inside of Pandora ’s Box and I do not want to relive…

2. ALL guests are PARTICIPANTS; you do not get out of being stuck with gobs of crap just because you want to watch.

3. Participants are asked to bring at least one gift to give but there is no limit to how many "gifts" a participant brings. It’s Khristmas, clean your house out… and please wrap your gifts with something, let it be a "surprise." Remember gifts may go to anyone so do not label them.

4. All gifts will be placed in the center of the room and each participant will draw from the pile during his or her turn or choose to “STEAL” a gift from another participant. If you stole a gift during your turn the person that has had his or her gift stolen gets to pull a new gift. One gift may only be stolen 3 times, so timing is critical.

5. All gifts received and/or opened by participants of the gift exchange must be removed from the premises by the said participant at close of the function.


Gin & Juice will be provided but more is welcome.
ANYONE AND EVERYONE is invited so do not hesitate to call or ask me for directions.

Things I have learned on this crazy journey of life,

The food court at the Ashtabula Mall is one of the most depressing places on earth. It really brings me down. Why is this? Strange, really, strange…

“JamboLung” is NO fun! Hot nurses are.

Never, never again will I take scrap metal on an antique two wheeled hay wagon so we can get money for fireworks.

Friends help the beers go down. But, Southern Comfort, Diesel, Absolute, Jack Daniel’s, and Seagram’s 7 do not mix well in my stomach.

Snowplows are NOT money makers.

Hot things burn real bad. Burn scars last a long time. Goggles protect your eyes. Needles hurt really badly too, especially when they are used to remove metal splitters from your eye.

Wait until your tattoo artist has more practice.

Never assume a 9 year old can handle a shotgun.

Most people don’t want anything for Christmas and the ones that do need money or food don’t want candles or ornaments. That is why I give candles and ornaments.

Credit cards really do help with depression, one way or another.

Get your tickets now.

Well we back from NM and I got pneumonia, again. Hopefully no Hospital stay this time! Well I got a new house… so you will have some place to stay when you are in town. Welcome to mi Casa, Bendahos.

I like the Horseshoe drive up to the front door, cool. Property goes more to the right and there is a 12ft gate to the backyard.


A view from the front door.

This was Dec 12th 9am, check out the sky. 52deg how will we make it?

The back yard is just sand and sad trees but there a private gate to get back there so I'm HAPPY!

This is were the rusty shit goes.

An American Love Affair

Ok, say you’re at a party and you parked behind someone that needs to run up to the store for a pack a smokes, or chips; something. Are you the bastard that says, “let me move my car?” Or do you hand over your keys to your rusted out POS and say “don’t scratch her, she shifts funny too.”

I used to love going to car shows and I know if it isn’t mine I had to keep my beaters off. You’ve seen the signs “look but don’t touch,” and the ever so cute “you toucha dis a machine I smasha you face.” I’ve seen those signs on total crap! The really good cars aren’t tacked up with them. I’m talking about the $50-60-70K cars. No, but the $4K Riviera has one. What the hell is wrong with people?

Bobbi’s nieces (18 &16 w/ no tickets) were in town with their parents and wanted to go to the mall (a 12 mile trip). Could they use their parents car; NO the parents needed them? Could they use Grandma’s car since she was out of town and it was sitting in the driveway unused ; No “I owe too much money on it,” she said. Bitch you got insurance, what the fuck you care, damn. Bobbi let them use her car and I was about to offer up my “new” Explorer even though I hardly knew the girls. Damn that still pisses me off, “I owe too much money on it.” Bat.

It’s an F’ing car people… not a toothbrush. Why do people get this way? Its an object. Sitting in the driveway unused does it more damage. The reply back from someone when you ask to use her car really tells how much trust and respect she has for you. More so, how shallow she is.

P.S. Can you borrow my Mustang for the weekend, you ask? No

Raze it Up!

Yippppeeee! I got a raise today! A whooping 21 centaroonies!
Was this to entice me into staying in Ohio…??? Maybe for $0.22 ??? My anniversary date was in August and my boss is always behind. Jokingly he said “it would have been better if not for your attendance.” “All that time you spent looking for a new job really hurt your review.” He also said this was the first review he ever wrote that wasn’t “sugar coated.” “Just sign here and here, I know you don’t care anyway,” he said. I replied, “That’s funny!”

(By the way a $0.21 raise is great where I work. My friend worked here for 5 years and only summed 86 cents in raises. Sorry Johnny.)

How ever will I spend my 100 bucks (retro)? I know I need a new pair of socks and a shirt (unless I don’t return Ray’s then I’m good). I will probably buy doughnuts for my team at work which leaves me with about $85 bucks. What to do? It hurts.

Cleaning House!

I have decided to take inventory during this move, inventory of my life that is. I have too much shit. This has complicated my life. I don’t want to be a rat surrounded by a cluster fuck of material crap anymore.

I rented a dumpster today; a really big one. I spent 4hrs cleaning out the shed. It made me sick when I though about all the cool stuff I was shit canning. “There’s still a lot of life left in this wig” that was covered in autumn leaves and mud. Into the landfill with it and the thousands of other worthless pieces of crap I “inventoried” today.

As I get older I am starting to realize that simpler is better and I’m not old (except in Kristen years). One project at a time or at least I’ll try to live by my new rule.

My Mom is a pack rat. Yep you’ve seen it. Not even worth commenting on. My sister’s all love Goodwill for the “bargains.” But there is a price for cheap. “Freedom isn’t free” (it cost a buck-O-five).

If anyone wants something do not hesitate to ask before I give it the heave-ho. I got lawn mowers and tractors, motors and a fantastic four costume, college books and scrap metal, sand blasting…