I need a BREW!

It feels like I got a swarm of bees done been nesting in my skull since I found out I gotta be in Albuquerque in 10 weeks. Oh crap, I got more shit to move than a fat man fresh from China Buffet. Intel’s gonna pay to move Bobbi, Brett, and me but I won’t get a check till the first day of work, so we gotta front the dough. Here’s the equation:

No $$$ + No Time + Sell House Here + Buy House There + No Sleep + Still having to work + 20 tons of machinery = STRESS

Another equation:

STRESS / BEER = :) HAPPY :)

I plan on being happy at Ray and Kristen’s bash on Sat. I don’t know if Bobbi will or not, she has been sick and stressed too. Last night she was going through my dresser drawers throwing out old clothes and getting mad when she should have been in bed getting well. She wants to get done but doesn’t know where to start. I made her sit down and help with a schedule/list.

“One pack of industrial strength garbage bags will move a whole room! I don’t really care if something chips or shatters” just one thing less to find space for.

If any of you guys are in need of some shit… well let me put it this way, the less we move: the less we move. I’ll be hosting another Christmas party and bring a truck cuz the level of “gift” giving, by yours truly, will be extensive this year.
Consult your rule book: Rule 5- All gifts received and/or opened by participants of the gift exchange must be removed from the premises by the said participant at close of the function.
In layman’s terms, you don’t have to take it home but DON’T leave it here! If you get Potted Meat and you don’t like Potted Meat, it’s still YOUR Potted Meat. If you get 900lbs of scrap metal and didn’t want it…gets the picture? Just like roulette and that’s what makes it fun! Love and Hate, no shades in between, REAL Christmas.

-Curt

Pilgrims wore fag shoes.

Is Thanksgiving all that fun? What do we really do? I’m thankful this… I’m thankful that… no lights on the house, no great mascot for the day (except for the Pilgrims and Indians that only play a small role). Do people rush off to the mall to have their kids get Thanksgiving Day pictures taken? Hell no. Over rated I tell you. Overrated.

Everyone around me knows Halloween is my favorite holiday. Do you get the day off. Hell no. What did you do last Halloween? What did you wear? I guarantee you know the answer to that one. I’m sure developing places see more business on Nov 1st than any other day of the year.

I don’t remember what I did last Thanksgiving. I guess I must have eaten dinner with the family or something. Oh wait, now I remember, the awkward dinner conversation about how most Amish are cheaters and liars. I remember how one half of the table was prejudiced and the other side wasn’t. Let’s all give thanks! Everyone left the table fat and pissed off.




My version of how Thanksgiving should be run goes some thing like this:

4am – Wait in line for the bar that you just left at 2am to reopen at 5am.

5am - Bars in town open to welcome the parade participants and start serving orange turkey omelets and fudge brownies (who isn’t thankful for fudge). The drinks of the day are Lagers, Sam Adams, and Wild Turkey shots (this includes Wild Turkey Jello shots) . Everyone is dresses as a Pilgim or Indian and the place is filled with slutty Sacagawea wanta-bees. Prizes are handed out for the pumpkin pie eating contest and best dressed.

9am – Get ready for the parade! Every town has one but ours is the best. I spent the last year preparing my personal Hong-Kong Phooey inflatable to pull down Main and my team is prepared! Everyone’s shoe buckles have a high polish. How proud and thankful they all look! The rose floats are all hooked up to the tractors and on board are boxes of worthless beads that will be thrown to the Indian dressed children.

3pm – The parades finally wind down and people start getting ready to party. There is a one hour nap time to recoup and wear of the residual tryptophan.

4pm- Its downtown time and off to the sports bars. The games start in 1 hour.

5pm- Kick off. No pussy football anymore, leave that for the Sunday Super Bowl. Thanksgiving Day hosts its own slew of crazy festive sports not much unlike Japanese game shows. Extreme sports like power eating and boat racing are given their due. (Help me out here with more ideas…)

Midnight- The day concludes with a fairly adequate fireworks show.


Now that’s a F’en Holiday baby! Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!

Jamboparty.com 

Bye bye MANTIS!

Here is the newest addition to my collection. A SWEET AS ASS 2002 Explode-R. Laid out & phat as hell. This is my attempt at pissing in the direction of the environmental community (Not really, but at 16MPG it sure feels that way). Thanks Ebay, for helping me track you down.


Oh and- Goodbye MANTIS! You served me well my green friend. Remember driving together all winter with just one wiper? Remember when you didn't want to stop even though I wanted you to. Remember? …Good times.

The Mantis will be for sale in the front yard. Interested parties please contact me ASAP for the Mantis will be a guaranteed Hot “just-in-time” Christmas seller. Buyer will also receive a photo of you and me in front of the Mantis and an autographed letter of authenticity.

Bobbi got an Altima a while back and I guess she felt sympathy that I drive shit. She said I deserve better and should treat myself. “Well baby I got a 66 Mustang” (that I never drive & goona sell) and my pride and joy, cost me more than Darla, Bronco (that’s in pieces). Truth, I could keep driving Mantis “It’s just my work car?” But, I won’t miss the Mantis no how! Plus, “I needed something with a V8 to pull my trailer & toys.” That’s what I have been telling myself to justify the new debt. Its only money, F it.

It’s got new tires! I always had a thing for tires. The Bronco had new 35’s on when I first saw her! If ever you want to sell me your crap for way to much money put new rollers on it and you got a deal.

This thing’s even got a factory phone in it! WTF? Didn’t Ford realize in '02 most people have mobiles anyway? What am I supposed to do with that? It’s kind of in the way so its gonna have to go.

Well I was invited to go drink with the co-workers today so that’s were I’m headed.

I have so much more to write so I am going to leave myself a reminder.
Topics:
I like to fly (my buddy just died last month in his plane and that gives me some reservations).
NPR - the boys on the war in Iraq. Coming from a former enlisted.

Posts to cum.

Why Clevelanders and Northeasterners for that matter are assholes.

Back from NewMexico.

Getten the hell outta dodge!

Wanna buy my shit?

Those Mississip days and the Big EASY. Will it be the same?

New to the blog...

Frankly, I was jealous of my friend Kristen's blog and how much company time she waists writing her thoughts. I will not be outdone. I am the King Slacker and my work allows it!
Or, at least they don't know about it. Well the real reason is that Huberwelding.com grew into a costly burden that I did not want to continue. Not much unlike weekly garbage pickup and internet sevice which I mooch off the neighbors. Praise Alliah for wireless modems.

My first post shall be Likes and Dislikes:

Likes
1. Zombies -Don't know why but I always liked the way they eat the brains: BBBRRRAiNNZ - The other grey meat!
2. PINUPS - If you ever saw my bathroom... I like the way they stare at my guests while they pee. Sex and Art a great combo!
3. Music - The King, man, The King, 40 years old, fat as hell, and still layed the pipe.
4. Grude/Crass Jokes - the kind of joke that isn't even funny it just makes you go "DAMN" and laugh about it the next day. So bad its not even suitable for a bar.
5. Junk Cars - Rust has always made me weak in the knees. "I can fix it!"
6. Trying something new. Never a dull moment...

Dislikes
1. Mean people are unhappy people, Nuff said.
2. That cauliflour mash at Ruby Tuesdays. Fucking gross! and I love cauliflower.
3. Being bored.


Well, thats everything that defines me. (more to be added as it pisses me off)