Sorry

Ok, so, If you ever wanted to regret ever knowing me:

Do a search on the word GOATSE, under images.

I wish I hadn't!

I was wading through other blogs and came across a story about how one photographer captures people's reactions when they search on this word (image search). The reactions looked too disturbed to be real. I was wrong. They are truely real. I am humbled.

Happy Birthday DAVE!

First of all I would like to thank all of you for coming out for Dave’s SUPRISE Birthday Party on Saturday! Wow what an event, even better than last years! I never thought IT could be done that good.

The weather was somewhat good so we started the party off in the morning nice and easy with a relaxing game of golf with the boys.


Then off to the Hotel. We had to have it at the Marriot because so many “outta-towners” showed up. We had over 100 rooms booked.

Chow Yun-fat had us all "rolling" at dinner with his “Dr. Slump.” …eat your roll, Chow…LOL

DJ, don’t burn up the roof…

Instead of having a lame piñata like last year, we had illegal cock fighting. What a blast! I won 20 Benjamins!

Then of course more DRINKEN…

The exotic dancer was almost an hour late but no one seemed to care because there was so much booze downed by then. She discounted us 50 bucks for her tardiness but she quickly made it back up in tips! (little boobies though, blah)

Then when the bubbles dropped shit got CCRRAZZZZY!

Room hopping went on all night and the security finally gave up on us.

Sorry Dave you didn’t make it to your own party (last year too). Maybe next year? and bring Sharon.

Oh and Burt Reynolds says “Hi” (followed by a slap across the face).

Thezbeeing

I always wanted an Academy Award but not being an “actor” makes that dream not so promising. Here is my plan: get in a movie playing the role of a retard (or mentally challenged for the PC). That is my only shot and the best my acting skills will provide. I know I could do it, I’m half way there. Hopefully this doesn’t seem mean I just want the award. I have seen a lot of good movies and a lot of good actors that don’t get the recognition because the role was written too much for “them.” But when immersed in the character of "tard" the awards pour in. I can do it, Hollywood look out. Here are a few of the projects and teachers I have studied:

Digging to China - Kevin Bacon
Rain Man – Dustin Hoffman
“Life Goes On” - Chris Burke
Radio – Cuba Gooding Jr.
90210 – Tori Spelling
Nell – Jodie Foster
The Other Sister – Juliet Lewis
What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? - Leonardo Di Caprio
Steven Seagal
Riding the Bus with My Sister – Rosie O’Donnell
Sling Blade - Billy Bob Thornton
Rocky – Sylvester Stallone
Bill - Mickey Rooney
I am Sam – Sean Penn
(coming) The Ringer – Johnny Knoxville
Billy Madison - Adam Sandler

LOVE DEM EGGS!

Why is it every time I ever get together with family, friends, coworkers, or complete strangers we end up talking about pickled eggs?

A lady (that works were I do) once told me she makes pickled eggs for her 25 year old son. “He’s learning disabled and thinks he’s fat so that’s all he’ll eat, I make about 2 dozen at a time,” she said.

You always remember your first. And I believe alcohol must always be involved; I know it was for me. The first time I indulged was in a dirty tavern in Conneaut, OH. The jar had dust on top and obviously been reused for years. This was pre “Fear Factor” and just one of those “good times/MGD” things.

I bought these crazy neon yellow “mustard” eggs in the Bilo deli one time and some lady asked what they are used for, I replied “eat them I guess.” I never saw them there again so they must have not been a big seller, go figure.

And of course Harassments: 12 beers +12 eggs = Dave we shoulda stopped at 1.